Former Failures: Least Flammable Garbage 2012​-​2015

by Zach Sullentrup

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about

+All songs by Zach Sullentrup from start to finish.
(Exception: Track 13 written by the Boss. Love ya, Boss.)
+A special thanks to my special friends Chris Jansson (mixing/mastering) & Ben Kothe (art) for their contributions to this record & for making my life better simply by being in it.
+Another special thanks to my pup models Gibbs & Lily (& their mom Chelsea Fricker).
+Additional thanks to everyone who has positively contributed to who I was, who I am, & who I’m becoming, including but not limited to my family, friends, teachers, mentors, heroes, & supporters. You all mean a whole lot to me. <3
+I recorded these previously rejected songs with two cheap mics in the guest bedroom at my parents’ house. Follow your dreams.
+In memory of my grandmother Ruth Sullentrup, my friend Thomas Horan, & my hero David Bowie.
+Booking/Business/Flattery/Flirting: zachsullentrup@gmail.com

credits

released February 11, 2016

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Zach Sullentrup St. Louis, Missouri

Zach Sullentrup is a songwriter & nice boy from Missouri.

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Track Name: An Open Letter To Life Itself (Die)
It's hard to find a friend
So when I'm alone for far too long
I find ways to pretend
And that's alright, that's alright
That's just how I sleep at night
When I do
And I rarely do

And I'm much more scared to be alive
Than to die

I'm floating in the void
Between the man that I want to become
And the man that you destroyed
And that's okay, that's okay
That's what gets me through my day
With fewer tears
While wishing you were here

And I'm much more scared to be alive
Than to die

But Lord, don't take me yet
Track Name: I Will Be the One
Born in this country as a son of The Father
We were raised in many ways the same
But I’ll be the one on the road less traveled
You’ll be the one who will die without a name

And I’ll sing to the souls who have lost their way
In a city that will only break your heart
And though these lights were made to lead us astray
We will use them in defense of the arts
To light these caves

Taught by our mistakes and the wisdom of our mothers
We fought the hopes of the ones who told us no
But I’ll be the one standing firm by my failures
You’ll be the one who will never ever grow

And I’ll sing to the souls working jobs that they hate
Just because they have loved ones to work for
So I’ll give up the gun and embrace my fate
Like a soldier drafted for another war
That no one wins

Faced with decisions bigger than our bodies,
You looked for answers in another cigarette
Still I’ll be the one on the road less traveled
You’ll be the one they will bury with regret

And I’ll sing to the souls who can never find peace
Always struggling with ideas of a god
And I’ll raise my voice but I’ll stay on my knees
Cause I know that He can see past my façade
I’m not to blame
We’re not the same
Track Name: The Garden // The Hunt
Take me out to the garden
And bury me with your love
Give me something to cherish
And that will be enough
It goes down like the pride I’ll swallow
With my last breath

Father, take me as I am
And do with me what you will
Here’s hoping you care more about the struggle of the hunt
And less about the kill
But if you’re looking for something more,
I hope you find it

Home ain’t a place; it’s a face with a name
And when everything else changes, I hope home stays the same
If my love is a prison, I won’t set you free
I will lock us in and throw away the key

I found relative beauty in absolute pain
Give me something to hold onto
And that will hide the shame
But lately I can’t hide the scars
This world has given me

I have always believed in God
But He don’t believe in me
I care more for the sinner that you are
And less for the martyr you pretend to be
Is it better to believe in something
Than in nothing at all?
Track Name: I Bitched To Someone In Tidal Volume & All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me (Song For Katy)
I met you in July when he was still by our side
He meant the world to you
Everyone could see
I said, “What’s that in your drink?”
You said, “Nothing,” and I still think
That nothing’s all you’re getting out of me

But I don’t think you mind
I don’t think you mind
It gets easier all the time
You act like you don’t care
You act like you don’t care
You still bring him everywhere

You lost your only friend
Well, your only real friend
I knew that I could never fill that void
And by his own two hands
And letters washed up on the sand
Your whole foundation, devastated and destroyed

And I can feel you still hurt
Yeah, I can feel you still hurt
You’re laying with him in the dirt
Do you find it comforting?
Do you find it comforting?
It hits me every time I sing

And I wanna believe it’s true
That there’s more soul in the soles of my shoes
Than in any word he ever wrote to you that winter
Katy, please don’t cry
You know I’ll tell you any lie you wanna hear
It’s been a long year

Now we go to different schools
You think mine is way uncool
I’ll always think he probably would’ve come here
And I’d call you every day
If I only knew what to say
But I’m too afraid to face my darkest fears

And I’m sorry for all I’ve done
And all I haven’t done
I wish that I could do more
But I recognize I can’t
I recognize I can’t
Nothing grows no matter what I plant

It doesn’t hurt me
Half as much as I know it hurts you
Track Name: Again
I should have known
I’m dying alone
I’m dying for you to come home

But I suppose it’s not that bad
I just hate knowing you’re so sad
Again

I’m coming undone
I’ll stare at the sun
I’ll scream till I shatter my lungs

And they call it making love
But do they mean it
Or are we getting fucked?
Again

This isn’t new
I’m lost without you
I’ve bit off way more than I can chew

And you can have it all
And I won’t ever let you fall
Again

I should have known, I’m dying alone
I’m dying for you to come home
Track Name: December 9th Eve, 2013 (Tom)
I thought about you today
For the first time in a long time
I imagined what you would say
But it brought back some feelings I didn’t want

Because I told your mother I’d never forget you
I must be doing you wrong
But these thoughts of you always tear at my insides
And keep me from moving along

I keep you in a safe place
In a locked part of my heavy heart
But there are memories I can’t erase
And I’m scared of what I know I will find

I guess it had to be you
But it could have been anyone
Someone that we didn’t know
But you left me wounds that won’t ever heal
I can still see your blood in the snow

I can’t remember a darker December
But they get lighter every year
I’m so sorry I burn all your postcards
But I still wish you were here

I still wish you were here
Track Name: I. Nothing Ever Happened (Summer Song For Autumn)
She was born with summer in her hair and in the way that she talks
But I can still see Autumn every time that she walks
That she walks away, she walks away from me
The leaves are changing colors but she’s still all that I see

We spent the summer in the same old parks
We slept right through the daylight, we fell in love in the dark
The park ranger kicked us out before I got to the kiss
So tragic at the time, but now it’s something I miss

But nothing ever happened to the way things are
Nothing ever happened to the way things are
Nothing ever happened to the way things are
Nothing ever happened at all

Darling, I’ve been missing you, and I miss you more with each day
As fall turns into winter, I hope that things stay the same
And darling, never change; no, please never change a thing
And I’ll always think of you with every word that I sing

And nothing ever happened to the way things were
Nothing ever happened to the way things were
Nothing ever happened to the way things were
Nothing ever happened to her

I’d drive all night just to get to you cause you’re the reason I can’t sleep
Instead, I’ll lie awake thinking of the things you do to me
You left my love in the August sun, and I’ve been holding it right here
All I want is just to hold you close and help you ring in the new year
Just like last year

Now I spend most of my time wondering if you’ll call
As if something that means so much
Could still somehow mean nothing at all
And I still feel lonely even when I’m not alone
Oh love, it’s cold where I am
I wish that you’d come back home

But nothing ever happened to the way things are
Nothing ever happened to the way things are
Nothing ever happened to the way things are
Nothing ever happened

Nothing ever happened at all

Some nights, I feel so big
Tonight, I feel so small
But nothing ever happened to me
It never happened at all
Track Name: II. Something Happened (Clarity In C Major)
This is a song for the words that change with the seasons
You wrote them down with your lips and a toss of your hair
I read the Bible in attempt to find some sort of reason
You were the last one to ever pretend that you care
But did you ever really care?
Cause I don’t think that you did

This is a song for the way that things to happen
I wrote it down in a closet where I’ll die alone
And if this ship is sinking, just know that I’ll still be its captain
Like when you told me you love me and I smiled the whole way home
But was this ever really home?
Cause I don’t feel it anymore

And all of my efforts to stay here are smothered with doubt
It haunts me like a series of riddles I won’t figure out
I’ve done what I can to hold onto what we used to know
Do you think you still love me enough to let me go?
To let me go
Let me go
Track Name: III. Everything That Happened (Winter Song For No One)
There is a clock inside my bedroom
That makes more sound than I think it should
But I can't bring myself to break it
It does its job better than I ever could

I am haunted by former failures
That consume me and run deep in my veins
I couldn't bring myself to tell you
I thought that I could handle the pain
Well, I was wrong

There is a mirror at the foot of my bed
I stare at myself for hours just to see if I can
I spend most of my time trapped inside my head
And I don’t like who I am

You were everything I wanted
I loved you more than you could ever know
And now it kills me just to see you
So forgive me if I decide to stay at home
And hurt alone

I thought nothing ever happened
If so, then how'd we wind up here?
I hear you still love all the bands I love
We haven't spoken in a year

I’m left to wonder why I stayed so long?
Was there a void I needed you to fill?
Cause now I see I’ve never really belonged
And I don’t think I ever will
I never will
I’m sorry
Track Name: My Heart Is Always Broken
I took a train southwest
Just to try to get this off my chest
And tell you the truth
You were all I found worthwhile
And I can hardly compose a smile
Without you

And I’m so close but still so far from love

You cut my chest wide open
Only to discover that
My heart is always broken
And you break it every day
While I pretend that it’s okay
When I know it’s not

And I’m so close but still so far from you

You could be happy
Oh, you could be here with me
And I could find a way to be happy too
You could be the only
Reason I’m no longer lonely
And darling, I’ll always look after you

I suppose I always knew
That you can do better than me
But I can’t do better than you
Oh, but it’s a heavenly hurt
As I gladly accept the love
I know I don’t deserve

And I’m so close but still so far from the truth

These thoughts remain unspoken
My heart is always broken
Track Name: I Can See Myself In You
In good health,
I can see myself in you
And all you do

Pitch black
Your pain is coming back, it’s true
It’s a part of you

And I can see myself in you
And all you do

Stay here,
I sense that you are near when you’re not
We hurt a lot

Don’t change
Nothing ever stays the same, it’s hard
I’m tethered and scarred

But I can see myself in you
And all you do
Track Name: A Record (Scars & Medals)
I’m taking my meds and I’m taking my time
I’m writing from an odd place where nothing seems to rhyme
But I’ve seen some of the world and I’ve formed a few thoughts
So I’ll show you scars and medals from the battles I’ve fought

And I just wanna make a record
That will make my mother proud
I never wanted to upset her
So I threw the last one out

And I just wanna make a record
That will make my lover smile
She left me for another city
I haven’t seen her in a while

So figure out what the hell you wanna be
And try to let the rest come naturally
While I divide all the joy and let the love tear us apart
And research new ways to cure a broken heart

And I just wanna make a record
That will make the critics shake
And even though I might be one of them
I’ll find a way to think it’s great

And I just wanna make a record
That will make your stomach turn
And teach you some sort of lesson
As you live but never learn

If you live on blank pages and die without pen
You can still make your mark on the lives where you’ve been
And though the music feels like home, the lyrics hurt like hell
Cause they came from a memory so close to where I fell

And I just wanna make a record
Then never tell a soul
Pack up and move out to the hillside
And spend all my days growing old

And I just wanna make a record
But then again, I don’t
These words already sting so badly
So in the end, I probably won’t
Track Name: DNCNGNTHDRK
I get up in the evening
And I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man, I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby
I could use just a little help

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer
Radio's on and I'm moving round the place
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man, I ain't getting nowhere
I'm just living in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
Baby, I just know there is

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

You sit around getting older
There's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
Come on, baby
This laugh's on me

Stay on the streets of this town
And they'll be carving you up alright
They say you gotta stay hungry
Hey baby, I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm sick of sitting round here trying to write this book
I need a love reaction
Come on now, baby
Give me just one look

You can't start a fire sitting round crying over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark