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Former Failures: Least Flammable Garbage 2012​-​2015

by Zach Sullentrup

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1.
It's hard to find a friend So when I'm alone for far too long I find ways to pretend And that's alright, that's alright That's just how I sleep at night When I do And I rarely do And I'm much more scared to be alive Than to die I'm floating in the void Between the man that I want to become And the man that you destroyed And that's okay, that's okay That's what gets me through my day With fewer tears While wishing you were here And I'm much more scared to be alive Than to die But Lord, don't take me yet
2.
Born in this country as a son of The Father We were raised in many ways the same But I’ll be the one on the road less traveled You’ll be the one who will die without a name And I’ll sing to the souls who have lost their way In a city that will only break your heart And though these lights were made to lead us astray We will use them in defense of the arts To light these caves Taught by our mistakes and the wisdom of our mothers We fought the hopes of the ones who told us no But I’ll be the one standing firm by my failures You’ll be the one who will never ever grow And I’ll sing to the souls working jobs that they hate Just because they have loved ones to work for So I’ll give up the gun and embrace my fate Like a soldier drafted for another war That no one wins Faced with decisions bigger than our bodies, You looked for answers in another cigarette Still I’ll be the one on the road less traveled You’ll be the one they will bury with regret And I’ll sing to the souls who can never find peace Always struggling with ideas of a god And I’ll raise my voice but I’ll stay on my knees Cause I know that He can see past my façade I’m not to blame We’re not the same
3.
Take me out to the garden And bury me with your love Give me something to cherish And that will be enough It goes down like the pride I’ll swallow With my last breath Father, take me as I am And do with me what you will Here’s hoping you care more about the struggle of the hunt And less about the kill But if you’re looking for something more, I hope you find it Home ain’t a place; it’s a face with a name And when everything else changes, I hope home stays the same If my love is a prison, I won’t set you free I will lock us in and throw away the key I found relative beauty in absolute pain Give me something to hold onto And that will hide the shame But lately I can’t hide the scars This world has given me I have always believed in God But He don’t believe in me I care more for the sinner that you are And less for the martyr you pretend to be Is it better to believe in something Than in nothing at all?
4.
I met you in July when he was still by our side He meant the world to you Everyone could see I said, “What’s that in your drink?” You said, “Nothing,” and I still think That nothing’s all you’re getting out of me But I don’t think you mind I don’t think you mind It gets easier all the time You act like you don’t care You act like you don’t care You still bring him everywhere You lost your only friend Well, your only real friend I knew that I could never fill that void And by his own two hands And letters washed up on the sand Your whole foundation, devastated and destroyed And I can feel you still hurt Yeah, I can feel you still hurt You’re laying with him in the dirt Do you find it comforting? Do you find it comforting? It hits me every time I sing And I wanna believe it’s true That there’s more soul in the soles of my shoes Than in any word he ever wrote to you that winter Katy, please don’t cry You know I’ll tell you any lie you wanna hear It’s been a long year Now we go to different schools You think mine is way uncool I’ll always think he probably would’ve come here And I’d call you every day If I only knew what to say But I’m too afraid to face my darkest fears And I’m sorry for all I’ve done And all I haven’t done I wish that I could do more But I recognize I can’t I recognize I can’t Nothing grows no matter what I plant It doesn’t hurt me Half as much as I know it hurts you
5.
Again 03:08
I should have known I’m dying alone I’m dying for you to come home But I suppose it’s not that bad I just hate knowing you’re so sad Again I’m coming undone I’ll stare at the sun I’ll scream till I shatter my lungs And they call it making love But do they mean it Or are we getting fucked? Again This isn’t new I’m lost without you I’ve bit off way more than I can chew And you can have it all And I won’t ever let you fall Again I should have known, I’m dying alone I’m dying for you to come home
6.
I thought about you today For the first time in a long time I imagined what you would say But it brought back some feelings I didn’t want Because I told your mother I’d never forget you I must be doing you wrong But these thoughts of you always tear at my insides And keep me from moving along I keep you in a safe place In a locked part of my heavy heart But there are memories I can’t erase And I’m scared of what I know I will find I guess it had to be you But it could have been anyone Someone that we didn’t know But you left me wounds that won’t ever heal I can still see your blood in the snow I can’t remember a darker December But they get lighter every year I’m so sorry I burn all your postcards But I still wish you were here I still wish you were here
7.
She was born with summer in her hair and in the way that she talks But I can still see Autumn every time that she walks That she walks away, she walks away from me The leaves are changing colors but she’s still all that I see We spent the summer in the same old parks We slept right through the daylight, we fell in love in the dark The park ranger kicked us out before I got to the kiss So tragic at the time, but now it’s something I miss But nothing ever happened to the way things are Nothing ever happened to the way things are Nothing ever happened to the way things are Nothing ever happened at all Darling, I’ve been missing you, and I miss you more with each day As fall turns into winter, I hope that things stay the same And darling, never change; no, please never change a thing And I’ll always think of you with every word that I sing And nothing ever happened to the way things were Nothing ever happened to the way things were Nothing ever happened to the way things were Nothing ever happened to her I’d drive all night just to get to you cause you’re the reason I can’t sleep Instead, I’ll lie awake thinking of the things you do to me You left my love in the August sun, and I’ve been holding it right here All I want is just to hold you close and help you ring in the new year Just like last year Now I spend most of my time wondering if you’ll call As if something that means so much Could still somehow mean nothing at all And I still feel lonely even when I’m not alone Oh love, it’s cold where I am I wish that you’d come back home But nothing ever happened to the way things are Nothing ever happened to the way things are Nothing ever happened to the way things are Nothing ever happened Nothing ever happened at all Some nights, I feel so big Tonight, I feel so small But nothing ever happened to me It never happened at all
8.
This is a song for the words that change with the seasons You wrote them down with your lips and a toss of your hair I read the Bible in attempt to find some sort of reason You were the last one to ever pretend that you care But did you ever really care? Cause I don’t think that you did This is a song for the way that things to happen I wrote it down in a closet where I’ll die alone And if this ship is sinking, just know that I’ll still be its captain Like when you told me you love me and I smiled the whole way home But was this ever really home? Cause I don’t feel it anymore And all of my efforts to stay here are smothered with doubt It haunts me like a series of riddles I won’t figure out I’ve done what I can to hold onto what we used to know Do you think you still love me enough to let me go? To let me go Let me go
9.
There is a clock inside my bedroom That makes more sound than I think it should But I can't bring myself to break it It does its job better than I ever could I am haunted by former failures That consume me and run deep in my veins I couldn't bring myself to tell you I thought that I could handle the pain Well, I was wrong There is a mirror at the foot of my bed I stare at myself for hours just to see if I can I spend most of my time trapped inside my head And I don’t like who I am You were everything I wanted I loved you more than you could ever know And now it kills me just to see you So forgive me if I decide to stay at home And hurt alone I thought nothing ever happened If so, then how'd we wind up here? I hear you still love all the bands I love We haven't spoken in a year I’m left to wonder why I stayed so long? Was there a void I needed you to fill? Cause now I see I’ve never really belonged And I don’t think I ever will I never will I’m sorry
10.
I took a train southwest Just to try to get this off my chest And tell you the truth You were all I found worthwhile And I can hardly compose a smile Without you And I’m so close but still so far from love You cut my chest wide open Only to discover that My heart is always broken And you break it every day While I pretend that it’s okay When I know it’s not And I’m so close but still so far from you You could be happy Oh, you could be here with me And I could find a way to be happy too You could be the only Reason I’m no longer lonely And darling, I’ll always look after you I suppose I always knew That you can do better than me But I can’t do better than you Oh, but it’s a heavenly hurt As I gladly accept the love I know I don’t deserve And I’m so close but still so far from the truth These thoughts remain unspoken My heart is always broken
11.
In good health, I can see myself in you And all you do Pitch black Your pain is coming back, it’s true It’s a part of you And I can see myself in you And all you do Stay here, I sense that you are near when you’re not We hurt a lot Don’t change Nothing ever stays the same, it’s hard I’m tethered and scarred But I can see myself in you And all you do
12.
I’m taking my meds and I’m taking my time I’m writing from an odd place where nothing seems to rhyme But I’ve seen some of the world and I’ve formed a few thoughts So I’ll show you scars and medals from the battles I’ve fought And I just wanna make a record That will make my mother proud I never wanted to upset her So I threw the last one out And I just wanna make a record That will make my lover smile She left me for another city I haven’t seen her in a while So figure out what the hell you wanna be And try to let the rest come naturally While I divide all the joy and let the love tear us apart And research new ways to cure a broken heart And I just wanna make a record That will make the critics shake And even though I might be one of them I’ll find a way to think it’s great And I just wanna make a record That will make your stomach turn And teach you some sort of lesson As you live but never learn If you live on blank pages and die without pen You can still make your mark on the lives where you’ve been And though the music feels like home, the lyrics hurt like hell Cause they came from a memory so close to where I fell And I just wanna make a record Then never tell a soul Pack up and move out to the hillside And spend all my days growing old And I just wanna make a record But then again, I don’t These words already sting so badly So in the end, I probably won’t
13.
DNCNGNTHDRK 03:28
I get up in the evening And I ain't got nothing to say I come home in the morning I go to bed feeling the same way I ain't nothing but tired Man, I'm just tired and bored with myself Hey there baby I could use just a little help You can't start a fire You can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark Message keeps getting clearer Radio's on and I'm moving round the place I check my look in the mirror I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face Man, I ain't getting nowhere I'm just living in a dump like this There's something happening somewhere Baby, I just know there is You can't start a fire You can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark You sit around getting older There's a joke here somewhere and it's on me I'll shake this world off my shoulders Come on, baby This laugh's on me Stay on the streets of this town And they'll be carving you up alright They say you gotta stay hungry Hey baby, I'm just about starving tonight I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting round here trying to write this book I need a love reaction Come on now, baby Give me just one look You can't start a fire sitting round crying over a broken heart This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark

about

+All songs by Zach Sullentrup from start to finish.
(Exception: Track 13 written by the Boss. Love ya, Boss.)
+A special thanks to my special friends Chris Jansson (mixing/mastering) & Ben Kothe (art) for their contributions to this record & for making my life better simply by being in it.
+Another special thanks to my pup models Gibbs & Lily (& their mom Chelsea Fricker).
+Additional thanks to everyone who has positively contributed to who I was, who I am, & who I’m becoming, including but not limited to my family, friends, teachers, mentors, heroes, & supporters. You all mean a whole lot to me. <3
+I recorded these previously rejected songs with two cheap mics in the guest bedroom at my parents’ house. Follow your dreams.
+In memory of my grandmother Ruth Sullentrup, my friend Thomas Horan, & my hero David Bowie.
+Booking/Business/Flattery/Flirting: zachsullentrup@gmail.com

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released February 11, 2016

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Zach Sullentrup St. Louis, Missouri

Zach Sullentrup is a songwriter from Missouri.

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